REAL Groups

Many times Christians are guilty of being too spiritual.  Now let me say this, by too spiritual, I am not suggesting that we push that aside and become worldly and carnal.  No way!  What I am saying is that too spiritual many times is just becoming too religious and not actually being real.  I believe that there were times when Jesus got to know His disciples as just the guys.  Not every second of their lives is recorded but I do believe there were times of refreshing and fellowship. After all, John was leaning on Jesus at the last supper and only friends do that.

So why the ice-breaker?  It’s an opportunity for the members of your REAL Group to get to know each other in a light, fun way.  People get to know me and not just my role as the pastor of Solid Rock Ministries when I participate in the ice-breakers.  Now they know that when I was a kid, I wanted to be like Andy Griffith and run a town like Mayberry where everything was wholesome and clean.  They know my favorite music and what kind of ice cream I enjoy. (which is a toss up between mint chocolate chip and strawberry, though I eat all types, mmmmm).

You see when we work the ice-breakers, we get to know a little bit more about each other and that helps us t nurture our relationships.  Yes there’s times to be spiritual and yes we are here to know more about God and apply His principles in our lives.  But, we are also here to build relationships and the ice-breakers help us do that.

So, don’t miss out on this opportunity to get to know things you never know about the people in your groups.  Go for it with ice-breakers.  You’ll be glad you did.

One of the responsibilities of a REAL Group leader is to keep an “eye” out for potential leaders in your group.  So how do we do that? I’m glad you asked.

Here are some keys:

• Observe the serve – keep an eye out for people who love to serve others.  These potential leaders are more concerned with how others are than themselves.  They love to serve people.
• Study buddies – are people who study the Word.  They don’t just do what’s required but they go beyond to learn about God.
• Active listeners – would rather listen to others more than hear themselves talk in order to learn about others.
• Positively optimistic – potential leaders are always encouraging others and therefore are very optimistic people.

To sum it all up, keep an eye out for people who are a lot like you!

I have been enrolled in a coaching program with Ministry Coaching International because I am coming to the realization that coaching is the way to go.  In order to build something that will stand the test of time, great coaching has to be a vital part.

So how does that apply to you, the REAL Group Leader.  If we can become “coaches” to the people in our groups, we can help them achieve all that God has called them to be.  The difference between coaching and mentoring is this.  As a mentor, I share my life experience and what I did and encourage my group that I’m mentoring to do the same.  Coaching, on the other hand, is about listening to the goals of the people we are coaching and helping them to strategize and achieve those goals.  We encourage, hold accountable and really help them.

This works good in a REAL Group setting where the group really wants to go forward.  As I get coached, I will be coaching you guys.  I’m hoping to set up a better flow of how the leadership in REAL Groups go.  The more people coaching, the better.  Get ready as we develop a coaching culture in REAL Groups.

With all the new gadgets hitting the market, iPhone 4, iPad, iPod Touch, REAL Groups has just released iCare.  iCare is the proven “software” for REAL Groups success.  Here’s how it works.

First download the iCare software into your brain.  Do this by following these steps:

1. Meditate on these scriptures day and night: Matthew 9:36 But when He saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd.; Matthew 14:14  And when Jesus went out He saw a great multitude; and He was moved with compassion for them, and healed their sick.; Matthew 20:34 So Jesus had compassion and touched their eyes. And immediately their eyes received sight, and they followed Him.; Mark 1:41 Then Jesus, moved with compassion, stretched out His hand and touched him, and said to him, “I am willing; be cleansed.”; Luke 7:13 When the Lord saw her, He had compassion on her and said to her, “Do not weep.” ;  1Peter 3:8-9 Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous; not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.

2. Erase the old way of doing things.   Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Romans 12:2

3. Become doers of the new “software”.

That’s it!  Your in.

iCare is designed to change our hearts to really have compassion on the people in our groups.  When we have that caring compassion, we can better lead our REAL Groups.  People are drawn to caring environments.  There, walls can be broken down and lives can be changed for the better.

Download iCare into your life today!

Support for this “software” can be found at readyourbible.now

Hey all you REAL Group peeps.  Here’s a rule of thumb for all of us.  If you want to be a great leader, you have to be a reader.  Leaders are people who are well read.

First of all, the Word of God is a must read.  You and I should love to read the Bible.  The Bible gives us plans for life by revealing to us the character of God.  How can we lead if we don’t know what God says or how He thinks about issues?  After all, He is the Creator so He knows what’s best for us.  So we should schedule in times everyday when we read the Word of God.

Secondly, take time to read books that will build you in your walk with God and in your life.  Does that mean we only read Christian books?  No, however the books we read should build our lives.  Leaders read books on business and leadership.  They also read strategy and coaching books.  All of these improve our leadership skills.

And finally, keep abreast of what is going on in the world around us. I’m not talking about Hollywood or the latest gossip tabloids, but we should know about world issues so that we can inform our groups on how these line up with what the Word tells us.  I would not take as much time on these as on the first but it’s good to be aware of issues.

You might be saying right about now, “What about those novels I like to read or the sports stuff or whatever”.  Well does that equip you to be a leader? I think if we would allot a little more of our reading time to the right stuff, we would become much more effective in our leadership.

So become a reader, it is a trait of a leader.

As REAL Group leaders, part of our responsibilities is making disciples.  A disciple by definition is:  One who embraces and assists in spreading the teachings of another;  an active adherent, as of a movement or philosophy; any follower of Christ.  It is our responsibility because it is what Jesus commanded us to do.

Matthew 28:18-20 states,  “Jesus came and told his disciples, “I have been given all authority in heaven and on earth. ¹⁹ Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. ²⁰ Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” (NLT) So you and I as leaders need to teach our groups about Jesus.  He is what the Gospel is all about.  The Good News is that He came and paid the price for us.

So here’s some tips on becoming affective in making disciples.

1. We can only teach what we do.  In order to make disciples of Jesus, we must be a disciple.  That means surrendering our will to the will of God.  It means to be constantly building ourselves up with the Word of God.  We cannot “teach’ our children to pick up after themselves if we don’t pick up after ourselves.  In the same manner, we must be doers of the Word and not just hearers only.
2. We have to be genuinely concerned about the people in our groups.  Sometimes we have had a bad day, but we must be more concerned about their day.  Jesus said in John chapter 4 that His meat was to do the will of the Father.  This is what gave Him energy when He was physically depleted.  Remember when He was tempted?  After fasting for forty days and when He was tired and hungry.  Then He was tempted and beat the temptation with the Word of God.  He was hungry in the account with the woman at the well but concern for someone else, which is doing the Word, gave Him the strength needed to minister.  We need to tap into that by always putting others first.
3. Be excited about being at REAL Groups.  The biggest bummer is to have a bummed out leader.  This hinders anyone from learning.  Have you ever had a teacher that just acted like they didn’t want to be there?  It was better to cut class and suffer the consequences then suffer the class.  We want our groups looking forward to being there.  Let’s be leaders that are so enthusiastic it just rubs on all the members of our groups.
4. Take time to prepare.  Not on Wednesdays, but be prepared before that.  During the week, pray for the people in your groups.  Contact them to see how things are going.  Be a great advocate of communication.
   
5. Finally, be a friend to your group.  A disciple shows him or herself friendly.

I think if we start allowing ourselves to do these things, our groups will be strong and we will produce great disciples of Jesus.

As I reflected on recent messages about building bridges, I thought about our Real Groups. In Real Groups we’re building bridges and connecting lives. Bridge builders use steel, cable and who knows what else (aren’t you glad I don’t build the bridges you use on the road?). In Real Groups, we use communication/conversation as one of our tools to build bridges. When this tool is used effectively, it helps to genuinely connect the members of the group to each other.

It was stated in an earlier blog that you need to listen….you need to listen to your group members AND you also need to listen to what’s going on inside your head. Are you focused on what the person is saying or are you thinking about what you want to say next? Focus on the speaker, maintain eye contact and resist distractions. Focus! (BTW did you register for Focus 2010? )

Our great bridge building example is Jesus. He spoke the truth to His followers but He also listened to what they had to say. He engaged people, he asked them questions. He didn’t monopolize the conversation. Everywhere He went, He built bridges, connecting with others through the words He spoke and the way He spoke.

Keep the bridge in mind as you communicate with your Real Group; listen for all the voices in the group; check to see…..is there just one voice?  Provide opportunities for all the voices to be heard so everyone feels REALly like they belong!

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt so that you may know how to answer everyone. Colossians 4:6

I think one way to make your groups more inviting is to genuinely be concerned about each individual.  That is one of the reasons we don’t want our groups to grow really large.  Breaking them off when we reach a certain number actually helps us to be able to build relationships.

When we get too large, there is not enough time to really get to hear from everyone and so concern for individuals gets lost in the mix.  Of course, we should be following up on our people during the week but that gets harder the larger the group.  So what do we do?

We work on building other leaders to take the group when we split them due to size.  We should always be looking for potential leaders in our groups that will help us while the group is small. That way, when we are ready to split the group, people will be ready to go and grow because they have already built a relationship with the “assistant” leader. As in any leadership position, it’s not about us but about the people we have been put in charge of.

Here’s one of the “hangups” to the splitting process.  We sometimes don’t want to let go.  If not kept in check, this could cause us to be territorial and think that the group we are leading is our group and no one else. We could become overly possessive.  Let’s not be leaders that are like this.  Let’s become leaders that want to see the people grow, more groups added and ultimately the kingdom of God grow.

Size doesn’t matter when it’s only the size of our group.  We are here to build God’s thing not our thing.  So let’s get that healthy attitude of living for the good of others.  Then we can develop those genuine relationships.  God gets glorified when we do this and we have better REAL Groups.

So how do I continue to build real relationships in my REAL Groups?

One of the “secrets” to building real relationships is that we have to be real!  We are not in leadership to “prove” to others how much we have it together, we are people who lead by example.  Now some people think that leading by example means we never, ever make mistakes.  I believe that leading by example sometimes takes demonstrating how to handle mistakes that you and I make in life.

If we try to be “perfect”, we will only end up appearing phony, cause that is what “perfect” really is, and that in turn will be a definite hindrance to building real relationships. So, being real is a great first step to building those relationships in out groups.  This will cause our group members to be real, and relationships that are meaningful is the result.

I’ll share one more “secret”.  As leaders, we need to develop our listening techniques.  Many times we listen but don’t hear.  We need to work on really hearing what our people are saying.  If we can’t remember what has been said, then fine tune the art of taking notes.  Yes, it’s better to jot things down on a small note pad than not remember what was said.  Of course, you wouldn’t want to appear as if you’re doing an investigation but in the long run, “remembering” will help build those relationships. It’s all part of the caring process which is another topic.

So be real and listen and your REAL groups will only get better!